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Episode 09: Conscious Relationships

What is the greatest gift we can give our most intimate partners in life? Staying present. On this episode of Life is the Practice I am explaining, very simply, why it’s so important to be mindful in our relationships. Consciousness brings us a sense of purpose and peace not only individually but also within the context of our identity as a couple. You’ll learn in this episode about techniques for bringing awareness as well as steps to help you observe and discharge egoic patterns. We’ll also hear from Krista and Phil Franks, co-founders of the lifestyle design company Owl & Key. We’ve worked together over the past couple of years to integrate the practice into their daily lives – with transformational results! You will get a window into some of the stumbling blocks couples commonly face as well as the benefits a daily meditation practice can yield: Abundance rather than scarcity; connection rather than alienation from one another. It’s all about giving ourselves and our partners the space to identify negative patterns of thought and navigate towards a beautiful place of conscious alignment – a bedrock for fulfillment individually, as a couple and in relationship to our global community. 

Are you longing to live in a place of inner peace, abundance, and confidence? Had enough of self-doubt, fear, and a nagging scarcity mindset? Then I invite you to explore my online course. It integrates all the teachings I use in my 1:1 coaching practice and the wisdom I’ve acquired over 25 years of mindfulness and research. Welcome!

You might also enjoy visiting my website, where you can sign up for my free newsletter, find complimentary guided meditations, and listen to all my podcast episodes.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

  • Conscious Coupling: About the dividends that accrue in every area of our lives when we bring intentionality to our most important relationships.
  • Intimate Shorthand: Why it’s important to develop a common language to communicate and share our experiences. 
  • Benefits Associated with Conscious Relationships:
    • Clear, pleasurable communication.
    • Shared commitment to the practice.
    • Immediate outside observation and identification of egoic patterns.
    • Mutual alignment around feelings and behaviors.
  • Common Challenges Couples Face:
    • Finding time to integrate the practice into busy daily lives.
    • Taking a pause to truly understand and empathize with a partner’s emotional patterns and triggers.
    • Getting caught up in reflexive, unproductive bickering.
    • Sweeping conflict or misunderstanding under the rug.
    • Displacing blame onto our partners.
  • The Boat is Empty! How to recognize and interrupt ourselves when we are bringing an unnecessary emotional charge (ours alone to process!) to any given situation.
  • Three Steps for Emotional Processing:
    • Step 1: Dismiss the messenger. Take accountability for yourself.
    • Step 2: Get the message. Identify and experience that is happening in the body.
    • Step 3: Feel it to heal it. Allow emotions the space to unfold and integrate.
  • Existential Scarcity: How living in an egoic state alienates us from ourselves and separates us from others and oneness with the universe.
  • What It Looks Like When We Come into Conscious Alignment:
    • We feel complete.
    • We are released from the desire to seek fulfillment externally.
    • Our partner and relationship enter a stage of spiritual maturity.
    • We are free to journey together into abundance and joy.
    • Our shared experience is not colored by the demands of the ego.
  • Living in Abundance: How our intimate relationships – which have a collective identity – benefit when egoic states are dissolved and scarcity dismissed.
  • Reminder: Progress such as Krista and Phil have experienced in their relationship depends on a commitment to the practice and checking in consistently with its principles.

QUOTABLE:

  • “The practice helps us overcome difficult situations, live with more confidence and less fear, be more present, and recognize the abundance of life within ourselves.” (Juan)
  • “This gives us a shared language. It helps us to see each other in a whole different light.” (Krista)
  • “The mindfulness journey with our partner helps us develop a common language to communicate and share our experiences.” (Juan)
  • “Much of the personal development work we do in practice consists of becoming aware of our egoic patterns – mental and emotional loops that hold us back in life and prevent us from showing ourselves as we are.” (Juan)
  • “(It takes) courage to ask for the time and the space you need to do the work … You have to intentionally build it in so that when times do get harder you already have the practice in you.” (Krista)
  • “Once we have restored our inner harmony … we can respond consciously instead of getting carried away by our negative emotions.” (Juan)
  • “Feeling full and loved by life and not needing the other to validate our experience allows us to operate from inner abundance instead of a state of permanent scarcity.” (Juan)
  • “Just as we develop an individual egoic identity throughout our life experience, we also develop a collective identity as a couple – an ego of the couple.” (Juan)
  • “It is about dealing with our inner state, neutralizing our egoic tendency to personalize situations and giving the other person the space they need to navigate their process without interference.” (Juan)
  • “When we act more consciously, we process without entering into the drama of the ego. We detach from the need to be right or explain our good intentions, feel guilty or project guilt onto the other.” (Juan)
  • “The biggest thing that I’ve gained from this work is being able to catch the cycle, your mental and emotional patterns … (To) see it and detach from it and watch it? I think that’s the greatest skill a human can have.” (Phil)
  • “We are growing more and more, and I am full of gratitude for your encouragement and displays of affection.” (Juan)

FURTHER RESOURCES:

  • “The Presence Process,” by Michael Brown.
  • To learn more about the go, listen to Episode 5, “Taming the Inner Critic” at this link.
  • Learn more about Krista and Phil’s lifestyle design company, Owl & Key.
  • Juan’s guided meditations can be found here.

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